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Thread: Oil change:

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    The Pitt, PA
    Age
    52
    Posts
    7,021

    Oil change:

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
    Money spent:
    Oil Change $20.00
    Coffee $1.00
    Total $21.00
    ============
    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
    2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
    18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Autozone to recycle.
    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
    21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
    27) Drink beer.
    28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
    29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
    30) Drink beer.
    31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
    32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
    33) Begin cussing fit.
    34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
    36) Beer.
    37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    38) Beer.
    39) Beer.
    40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    41) Beer.
    42) Lower car from jack stands.
    43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil.
    44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
    45) Beer.
    46) Test drive car.
    47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    48) Car gets impounded.
    49) Call loving wife, make bail.
    50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
    Money spent:
    Parts $50.00
    DUI $2500.00
    Impound fee $75.00
    Bail $1500.00
    Beer $40.00
    Total - - $4,165.00
    But you know the job was done right!
    Magindat: (majin-dat) Imagine That.
    2013 Ford Taurus SHO

    Lemonade - living with Fruit Punch - in Blackmobile's Garage...
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    #1649
    boi

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Purgatory, FL
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,164
    Good one.
    (#6178 in black per FPIC)
    Call 1-800-FORD-788 and press "1". Have the last 6 of your VIN handy. You will get the numbers for FREE. You'll pay $$$ for the certificate.

    MM traded in 8/9/13 @ 128909 miles. It was fun for almost 8 years. I met airmercpun on 1/17/14. He was the new owner of my former ride. -Now gone.

    Update: back in the game with a late build 03 GMGS with some MM add ons like Escape audiophile radio w/Sirius sat radio, rear sway bar, catback exhaust, and header panel.

    Rest In Peace:
    Alex "Marauderboi" Vachon 3/2/92-8/13/10
    Paula Babineau 1/9/67-8/2/11
    Rex Weinbender
    Peter


    See my garage file for part numbers and whatnot.

    IMHO, this site- the members that I chat with- and the ones that I now Hang with- are like my 2nd family. There is such an ongoing welcome feeling here that even members who don't or no longer own the MM can feel.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    South Florida
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    The funny part about that is in some case's it might be true.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Cape Cod
    Posts
    13,887

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Cape Cod, MA
    Posts
    13,676
    Quote Originally Posted by magindat
    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube...

    Money spent:
    Oil Change $20.00
    Coffee $1.00
    Total $21.00
    ============
    LOL...here in New England, Jiffy Lube is $35.95, but the coffee is free!
    The Blackbird
    Trilogy #61
    Driveway Queen

    The Spruce Goose
    2004 Grand Marquis LS Limited Edition
    Daily Driver

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