One week from today....Tough Decision....Help?

[fordman]

Well, for my first time and hers, off to the wonderful life of marriage.:puke:

[Ms. Denmark]

Marriage isn't for wimps, or so they say. On the other hand, when it works it beats just about anything else you can do in life. From my perspective, I marry the man.......I marry what he loves. Isn't that what makes him...well...him? One thing's for sure. What you see is what you get. You gotta love what you see in each other right now without reservation. If someone fits into your life and meets your needs without losing something of themselves, that's my idea of a life partner. On the otherhand......you can't take things too seriously. A good sense of humor is imperative to a good marriage. My 2 cents.:)

[TiTo35]

Nod and smile... :D

[justbob]

Stand your ground on what you love and all of your interests, they are what make you the guy that you are. Show love and support and let her know that she is obviously the one and only but you will not change. You will see more time spent away from your hobbies but shouldn't be much, its baby time that will kill off most of your life as you know it. I've had my wifey since freshman year high school, 21 years this year and still love her the same. As for hobbies it was the kids that killed them but they are my new hobby and they are great. Good luck and congatulations.

[Blackened300a]

Let her know that you and the car are a package deal.

I told my GF that my Marauder was here before you, it will be here during, and it most likely will be here after you. Get used to it.

Otherwise...
:flamer:

[Zack]

If your domestic partnership aint broke, dont try and fix it with marriage.

'nuff said.

[Bluerauder]

Well the time has come to leave the single life.

As she laughed at her stupid joke, I couldn't help but feel the seriousness of her comment.

Well, for my first time and hers, off to the wonderful life of marriage.:puke:
These three statements ^^^^ lead me to believe that you are having 2nd thoughts and that it really has nothing to do with her comment -- whether in jest or not.

A little bit of the "cold feet" syndrome is probably natural. You have to answer the "Am I doing the right thing?" question for yourself. The answer should be clear and unambiguous.

When I was in your situation, I was a little afraid of the uncertainty ahead. However, I was absolutely sure that I wanted to be with her. Our 33rd Anniversary is next month and I still feel the same way.

Good luck and best wishes on a Happy Marriage. :up:

[TAKEDOWN]

I'm with Bob on post #4.

[DJCV]

If you're seriously looking to an online car-based forum for advice on your pending marriage status, unfortunately, that says it all.

[Zack]

If your domestic partnership aint broke, dont try and fix it with marriage.

'nuff said.

Again, ^^^^^ What I said :beer:

[bob6364]

Your car is not your life its a part of you it what makes you...you,just like the other things she likes about you,this she must accept or it will not work,i'm sure she has things she does,like running or harder worker or just plain gorgeous who knows but bending is apart of marriage,but bending is losing 20 pounds or giving up titty bars. I've been married for 22 years and counting i think I know alittle on the subject.

[Ms. Denmark]

If you're seriously looking to an online car-based forum for advice on your pending marriage status, unfortunately, that says it all.
Yeah, but we just love giving advice!:) Doubt anyone would take us all that seriously. Most of us probably experienced some of the same emotions as we approached our weddings. Nobody wants to lose themselves in the process of gaining a spouse. Thanks for letting us convey our thoughts on the subject. I for one wish you both a long, happy life together. She'll come to love the car. Just remind her.....it's a Marauder.:banana:

[Glenn]

I guess nobody remembers the words marriage contract. I had a sit down serious talk with my wife about all the important things in a marriage relationship including kids, work, finances, car hobby, sports, get away time, friends, etc, etc.

One of the things discussed was my car hobbies and that it was not going to go away and it would be part of our relationship. Well 30 years later and cars are still part of the relationship. If you do not resolve these issues before you get married you have lost all power to resolve them later. Women are jealous of anything that occupies a man's time and takes away time from them and it is not going to change. Good luck.

Glenn

PS: If she actually joked about the wedding being off (?) as I think you said, then I would resolve the issue soon. No woman ever jokes about putting off her wedding unless she catches you red handed in something.

[Motorhead350]

Pre-nup! She leaves the same way she came in.

Glad I'm not on that level just yet, probably don't wanna be.

[ImpalaSlayer]

your third option made me laugh,

[rayjay]

I'm on my 3rd marriage so my advice isn't worth much, but I think she's testing you. Just let her know she is more important to you than the MM.

[sailsmen]

The very fact that you posted this and asked for help means you are "P*ssy Wipped".

All marriage is doing is letting her put that ring in your nose for all to see.

From the day you get married you will no longer have a set of ba**s.

Best change your sign in to Unick.

[Aren Jay]

Buy her a Matching Marauder, Matching sponge and matching set of inside wheel cleaner. You're going to need a common hobby and she should know from the get go that you have it already picked out for her.

[Bigdogjim]

You need to find a "balance" in your life. It will come your way, just let things be for now. Yes put the car aside for now. You will know when the time is right to resume with your hobby:)

Why the girls act like this piror to the wedding day is anyones guess. It is all part of the many changes heading you way:up: Some will be good other not so good. It all part of your new life:)

You will be fine. (just keep the key handy) :burnout:

[Zack]

You need to find a "balance" in your life. It will come your way, just let things be for now. Yes put the car aside for now. You will know when the time is right to resume with your hobby:)

Why the girls act like this piror to the wedding day is anyones guess. It is all part of the many changes heading you way:up: Some will be good other not so good. It all part of your new life:)

You will be fine. (just keep the key handy) :burnout:

^^^Worst advice ever, sorry Jim.

[Bigdogjim]

^^^Worst advice ever, sorry Jim.

Well if you were ever married you would know a little more:)

[TAKEDOWN]

The very fact that you posted this and asked for help means you are "P*ssy Wipped".

All marriage is doing is letting her put that ring in your nose for all to see.

From the day you get married you will no longer have a set of ba**s.

Best change your sign in to Unick.

I disagree... you will still have a set of ba**s, you just might have to look in her purse for it!

[Zack]

Well if you were ever married you would know a little more:)

Jim, you told him to put the car aside for now and resume the hobby when the time is right.

Unless these 2 are moving into a new home, remodeling or any other major undertaking, there is absolutely NO reason for him to change his everyday life.

These 2 already live together from what I gathered, so the day before or the day after the knot is tied should be relatively similar if not identical.

[Dragcity]

Trust me, it starts with the car..... Once she wins that battle, it's all over. Took me twenty years to get back what I gave up on day one.

So sad, so controling.

[martyo]

Marriage does not mean you are complete...it makes you are finished!!

The strong stay single!

[Zack]

Hi Marty :banana:

[Blackmobile]

Marriage does not mean you are complete...it makes you are finished!!

The strong stay single!

I'm going to have to agree with Marty on this one. Since I've been dodging the M Word for almost 20 years now, I can honestly say it's been a tough battle, but I'm not sure if I will ever win the war ( In that regard, she has patient's of steel). But if you want to ensure the Marauder to be an unaltered hobby, just make the suggestion, in joking form as she did, "I can always go hang out at strip clubs instead of working on the Marauder". I'm quite sure this will cement the Marauder into your past time.

But if you faulter... Congratulations

ED

[Spectragod]

Trust me, it starts with the car..... Once she wins that battle, it's all over. Took me twenty years to get back what I gave up on day one.

So sad, so controling.

+2

Marriage is a fine institution....... if you don't mind being institutionalized, I speak from experience, 17+ years..... I now know why men are gay:eek:, it never ******ing ends...... get ready.... BOHICA.

[ludwigvan968]

Yeah I am going on 5 years of being married. She regularly impresses me with her ability to understand some of my crazy interests. This past year she re-affirmed my decision after taking the GM for a good ringing out on a twisty road and her saying "I can feel your brakes are fading, we should upgrade them."

Communication is key, whether it is talking about brakes or marriage.



It is things like that which let me know we really are enjoying our time together.

[fordman]

My girl loves the Merc, she doesn't like that it has to much "pick up" when she gets going from a light or stop sign. If you read what I wrote, she was laughing when she said this stuff. She knows she'll never be able to take me away from my favorite hobby. It was just a matter of a short break to get our lives on the same track due to the fact we dont live together yet and it would take a little getting use to thats all. Im sorry for those of you who took it to the level you did to say some of the things you did about my "ba**s" and every other derogatory thing. Were supposed to be adults here? In my opinion, I feel those who responded to that nature had a "bump in the road" with someone in their lives and are taking it out in an immature matter. But to those of you with a pleasant response, thank you for the good lucks and the good advise.

[Zack]

http://www.modularpowerhouse.com/forums/images/smilies/TTIWWP.gif of the fiance :beer:

[magindat]

I'm on my 3rd marriage so my advice isn't worth much, but I think she's testing you. Just let her know she is more important to you than the MM.

Ultimately, maybe yes. I agree with Mrs. Denmark, though.

I believe:

No expectations
No owing

She now has expectations of you. She EXPECTS to be put above the car. Soon you will OWE her status above the car. If she can't see or know about you that you'll 'do what's right' or even understand your definition of 'what's right', then she doesn't know you and neither of you are ready. If you didn't see this coming, you don't know her, either.

Zack - as usual - is right again. If your domestic partnership is working, don't go ruining it and burdening it with the inherent expectations that the stupid piece of paper brings.

Lastly, if you've brought it to us, it means you're uneasy bringing it to her. Lack of open communication at the start is certain doom.

We'll help all we can - in the end - it's your life, your car and your wallet.

[oldekid]

So, you could have been caught cleaning your exhaust nips. . . I mean tips. Tell her to get over it. It's just a car. It sleeps in your garage, not in your bed. You may ride it hard and put it away wet. . . . well , never mind.

I somehow think that she should have known about your love affair with your Marauder prior to a week before your marriage. My wife knows that I have feelings for my car, and she accepts it. It responds better, sounds better, and God knows, it's cheaper to maintain.

So, here's hoping that everything goes well with you and the new bride.

:beer:

[Spectragod]

My wife knows that I have feelings for my car, and she accepts it. It responds better, sounds better, and God knows, it's cheaper to maintain.



:beer:

And doesn't nag you about anything.:lol:

[Spectragod]

http://www.modularpowerhouse.com/forums/images/smilies/TTIWWP.gif of the fiance :beer:

No matter how good they look....... there is a man somewhere that is tired of putting up with their *****.:rofl:

[Bigdogjim]

Jim, you told him to put the car aside for now and resume the hobby when the time is right.

Unless these 2 are moving into a new home, remodeling or any other major undertaking, there is absolutely NO reason for him to change his everyday life.

These 2 already live together from what I gathered, so the day before or the day after the knot is tied should be relatively similar if not identical.

Zack we all posting with out knowing ALL the details. What I am saying from what was posted is she is getting "upset" a week before the wedding? If so they put the "hobby" aside and pay attenttion to what going on, after that life will/should settle down a bit.

It is not all that bad if find the right partner:)

[1 Bad Merc]

She is testing you right now to see how much she is going to get away with. I know....I have been their. Now's the time to bring it up and get it settled before you get married! I have been married 14 years now and if I want to buy stuff for the house no problem. Buy a supercharger for a Marauder -yeah Right-all I get is bulls**t.

Love the wife but she is not a car person so I end up fighting for everything I want car wise. You better get it clarified now or else you will be miserable or paying half down the road. Just my .02.

Brad

[Eric-Blk2004]

Its a car...

This is the the claimed love of your life. You spend more moments with her than a car, and if you dont then you are doing something wrong.

Seriously, I think she was busting your nuts. Its just like football, video games, and any other male interests. Women can never figure them out and laugh at us for going nuts over them. Yet they go all gaga over shoes, sex and the city, desperate housewives, oprah, etc.

You need to understand that in a marriage its all communication and having a good sense of humor. She is making the statement that on a nice Saturday, instead of being with her in say a hamock and with some ice tea your outside on your hands and knees polishing a rim.

Now I dont know about you, but I would be in the hamock enjoying my wife. People need to get their minds right and start realizing a car is a car - its nothing special. A wife is special.

I have been with my girl for 4 years, good and bad, and worse. I still do all the stuff I like to do but I am flexible enough to understand that I can not always be in oil and playing video games.

Seriously you are going to give up X amount of years for a car? Why are you even questioning this?

Drop your sercurity blanket and man up.

[Zack]

Its a car...

This is the the claimed love of your life. You spend more moments with her than a car, and if you dont then you are doing something wrong.

Seriously, I think she was busting your nuts. Its just like football, video games, and any other male interests. Women can never figure them out and laugh at us for going nuts over them. Yet they go all gaga over shoes, sex and the city, desperate housewives, oprah, etc.

You need to understand that in a marriage its all communication and having a good sense of humor. She is making the statement that on a nice Saturday, instead of being with her in say a hamock and with some ice tea your outside on your hands and knees polishing a rim.

Now I dont know about you, but I would be in the hamock enjoying my wife. People need to get their minds right and start realizing a car is a car - its nothing special. A wife is special.
I have been with my girl for 4 years, good and bad, and worse. I still do all the stuff I like to do but I am flexible enough to understand that I can not always be in oil and playing video games.

Seriously you are going to give up X amount of years for a car? Why are you even questioning this?

Drop your sercurity blanket and man up.

Dude WTF? :shake:

Im all for splitting up the time (and trust me I do!) but jeez almighty that post was lacking a LOT of testosterone.

im gonna have to give it an EPIC FAIL
http://media.g4tv.com/images/blog/2007/12/06/633325462873135493.jpg

[Eric-Blk2004]

I love that pic!

All I said was he is actually thinking about putting an object in the way of his wife/person. Its a car, its not a real thing. Sadly it has no spirit.

I am all for car enthusiats and liking cars and having hobbies. But for someone to call off a marriage because they can polish rims or spend 36hrs a week detailing a four door sedan then they need help. Its no different then the nerd who spends all his time in his basement playing video games and not going out to socialize. Seriously the wife was bustin his nuts and he is taking so literal its funny. And the fact that he is questioning a marriage over it is funny 10x

[Breadfan]

I agree, sounds like you're being tested. I wouldn't necessarily say runaway, but this is when it's time to stick to your guns and lay it out. Common ground or balance seems to be key.

I don't necessarily agree with the security blanket thing, there's no reason to ditch the car to hang out with your wife all the time. It's all about balance. It's unhealthy, I think, to think that way - to say drop the car hobby and spend the time with your wife/gf. People need space, she'd probably be sick of you after about 3 days and toss you out, locking the door after tossing the carwash bucket out after you.

You need to not bend your ways for other people, bend them to make yourself happy with someone, but not to appease them all the time. Sure, there are times when it's appropriate, but just the same there are times when it's not. If you have to completely change your lifestyle to be with this chick that's probably not good. If you're getting married she ought to understand what your other passions in life are and respect them. I'm not saying she doesn't, but sure does sound like a test. :)

How you answer is key, give in and you set the stage for getting walked on, stick to your guns and she'll know she's got a dude who knows what he wants. Remember their's balance that assumes you aren't spending 23 hours at the car and coming in the last hour asking her to make you a sandwich. Although that's pretty freakin' awesome sounding, something tells me it isn't fair.

Remember she may be testing you but at the end of the day women still like men, so be one and wash your car, then take her out in it later on, you'll look damn good cruising in a clean MM and happy you got your chick there too. She'll be happy as well. Just don't forget balance, 23-1=not so good, but that is valid in EITHER direction.

PS. I'm not married obviously, and this is probably completely wrong but hey, whatever.

PPS. Hope you got good groomsman - I found out not too long ago at another friends wedding a few years ago, one of his groomsman gave him a 1way bus ticket on his wedding day..."just in case..." ;)

[Zack]

^^^ Best post ever Breadfan

[TiTo35]

Is it safe to take advise bout marriage from single ppl?

[Eric-Blk2004]

Advice is always taken with a grain of salt. And breadfan said the samething I said I just didnt put the 23 hr comparison but whatever Zack.

Hater.

[Zack]

Is it safe to take advise bout marriage from single ppl?

Yes, we are smarter because we are not married :argue: :banana2:

[Breadfan]

Yeah plus our posts aren't biased, as we aren't afraid of our wives reading them. ;)

[Pops]

Yes, we are smarter because we are not married :argue: :banana2:

Are You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:P

[TiTo35]

Yes, we are smarter because we are not married :argue: :banana2:

:lol: I guess you do have a point... Imma be single for awhile then...:cool4:

[racorcey]

Why the girls act like this piror to the wedding day is anyones guess. It is all part of the many changes heading you way:up:

Real simple - extra hormones generated 30 days prior ;)

Actually, many moons ago, one of my (older) contemporaries summed it up well: The sign of a successful marriage is the triumph of habit over hate.

And don't forget about Jelly Bean Sex (it's not what you other preverts think it is)....

When you're married, put a Jelly Bean in a jar every time you have s*x, and continue this for the honeymoon period (normally 1 year). After the honeymoon, take out 1 bean every time you do you know what. You'll never empty the jar!

[Ozz]

For what's it's worth, since you don't live together and (I'm assuming you)have to travel to see eachother, I'm going to suggest that you may actually have a little more time to have a hobby - after all the wedding gifts are put away and thank you notes have been written.
I mean, hell, she's surely got hobbies too, right? Just make sure the 'honey-do' list gets done and you don't blow her off every time she wants to do something together, you'll be golden.

I've been married 13 years, have 2 old Mustangs and a Marauder to take care of and until the addition of 2 kids within the last 2 years, I had plenty of time to work on them in addition to do my share of house work, take vacations, do things the wife wanted, watch TV, etc....
Not so much anymore but that's because of the babies we have now. That too will become more managable in time as well.

If you're still worried about how she approached the subject, just confirm with her that she doesn't really want you to give up your hobbies? Doing that would not be healthy for either of you or your long term happiness.

The hardest thing is conveying to your wife how important your hobby is. It sounds like she already knows that so the hard part is done. Finding a compromise about how much time and when to do your hobby is just simple negotiating. It will be fine, trust me!

Good Luck.

[Bradley G]

I guess the key is to never stop putting a bean in.
Real simple - extra hormones generated 30 days prior ;)

Actually, many moons ago, one of my (older) contemporaries summed it up well: The sign of a successful marriage is the triumph of habit over hate.

And don't forget about Jelly Bean Sex (it's not what you other preverts think it is)....

When you're married, put a Jelly Bean in a jar every time you have s*x, and continue this for the honeymoon period (normally 1 year). After the honeymoon, take out 1 bean every time you do you know what. You'll never empty the jar!

[cruzer]

If any marriage was doomed from the start, ours was---the day we were married,( while on active duty in the Air Force) there were at least 5 bets of $ 100 + that we wouldn't last a year---eight other squadron members got married the same year. Ginny and I are the only ones still with our original spouse. We are exact opposites--Catholic and Methodist---loud and quiet--love speed and adventure and home body---gregarious and introvert--- 6'1 and 5'1----short fuse and easy going--optomist and pessimist--she doesn't have a drivers license--I could go on and on. The three things she hates are--airplanes, cars and someone who talks too much--ask anyone who knows me-- I fit all three catagories.
We celebrated our 55th Anniversary on Jan 7, 2008--we have 4 kids, 3 grand kids and 1 great-granddaughter--they all live within an hour of our home and communicate with us every day. We are both in our 80s and still reasonably healthy.
Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition--it is 110/110 when the chips are down over important things--try laughing off little hurts and talk out the big ones without yelling---there is no alcohol or drug problem-- there will be times when you want to kill each other--but think of how your hasty action could destroy all you have worked for--you can loose your spouse and children by one split-second, unthinking decision.
So my advice is---marry the girl--be happy--enjoy each other--- have complete faith in each other and always think before you leap.
God Bless you both---Best Wishes and congratulations, Maury and Ginny

[Iowa Rick]

Well Cruzer just took the wind out of my sail. 55 years is quite an achievement. Today is my wife an my 38th anniversary.

You do what she wants and she does what she wants, oops. just joking

Actually I was also pretty much obsessed with my cars when I got married. Somehow the cars didn't seem as important after getting married as there was now someone to share life with. What fun is traveling by yourself, doing and seeing new things with no one else being there to share the excitement?

My suggestion is to go for it, spend less time polishing and more time driving and doing stuff. What really worked to our advantage was waiting 10 years to have kids. We got to know one another, traveled large parts of the world (I was in the USAF), saw other cultures and bought neat cars.

We had a SS396 Chevelle in Japan, climbed mount Fuji all night to see the sunrise from the top. I don't ever recall having a desire to polish wheel wells. The cars were always clean and polished but it was so much more fun to go places, see new things and having someone to share the experiences with than being a single obsessive car nut.
Did I mention how nice it is to have a warm body next to yours on those cold nights. I won't even go there but you get the drift ...............

Best of luck on your decision, whatever it may turn out to be. What ever else you do you must be able to talk about what bothers you with her. If you hold it in or keep it from her the marriage ain't gonna work. Never go to bed angry with one another and never ever hit her in anger. If you put the same effort into sharing life with her as you have with your MM you will be giving advice to the lovelorn 40 to 50 years from now on the Mercury Hydrogen Electric Hybrid board. Rick

[Eric-Blk2004]

^^ Best advice next to mine.

Spend more time with the wife doing activities instead of polishing a rim.

[sailsmen]

My girl loves the Merc, she doesn't like that it has to much "pick up" when she gets going from a light or stop sign. If you read what I wrote, she was laughing when she said this stuff. She knows she'll never be able to take me away from my favorite hobby. It was just a matter of a short break to get our lives on the same track due to the fact we dont live together yet and it would take a little getting use to thats all. Im sorry for those of you who took it to the level you did to say some of the things you did about my "ba**s" and every other derogatory thing. Were supposed to be adults here? In my opinion, I feel those who responded to that nature had a "bump in the road" with someone in their lives and are taking it out in an immature matter. But to those of you with a pleasant response, thank you for the good lucks and the good advise.

"One week from today....Tough Decision....Help?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well the time has come to leave the single life. Although I have referred to her as my wife in past posts, it was much easier to write than fiancé. My wedding day is a week away and this happened last night...........

I'm in my driveway washing the Merc, and my better half walks up behind me and catches me with my full arm in the wheel cleaning the inner part of the wheels, we all know how dirty that can get. Here was the conversation:

Her: What are you doing, did you run over a nail?

Me: No, cleaning the inside of the wheels.

Her: (laughing) your psycho over this car. You know theres going to be much more responsibility after next week, you may have to put your car to the side for a while.

Me:

Me: The thoughts started racing all through me.......... I said it took a long time for me to nail one of these cars again, your not pulling me away!

Her: The look, then the ultimatum, looks like the weddings off then.

Me: (LOL), Why?

Her: Your already married, TO YOUR CAR!

As she laughed at her stupid joke, I couldn't help but feel the seriousness of her comment.

What to do:

1) Accept that its going to be a bit rough the next couple of weeks and bit the Merc to the side for a while.

2) Walk around with this face and hope I win.

3)

Right now I'm aiming for 3.


Well, for my first time and hers, off to the wonderful life of marriage."

Ok Dr. Jekyl or is it currently Mr. Hide it's ok if you are having some ambivalent feelings, for many thats natural.

Don't post on this board that, "One week from today....Tough Decision....Help?" and "As she laughed at her stupid joke, I couldn't help but feel the seriousness of her comment. What to do:" and expect some touchy feely feminine advice. Only to call some of us immature when it's YOU who can't handle the situation.

There are numerous websites out there that can give you the kind of advice you are looking for such as;
helpigotnoballs.com
unicsupport.com
castratoamongus.com.

Good luck and on a high note I hope you are blissfully happy.