MERCMAN
10-20-2003, 11:56 AM
> Subject: FW: Redneck Etiquette
> >
> >
> >
> > * Never take a beer to a job interview.
> > * Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> > * It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> > * If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change sheets.
> > *
> > Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will ...don't
drive
>a
> > U-Haul to the funeral.
> >
> >
> >
> > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> >
> > * A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a
> > taxidermist.
> > *
> > Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his
> > manners are.
> >
> >
> >
> > PERSONAL HYGIENE
> >
> > While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
> > * should done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> > *
> > Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
> > * it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry & alter the taste of
> > finger foods.
> > *
> >
> >
> > DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
> >
> > * Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st
date.
> > *
> > Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
> > * wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom
> > wall 2 years ago.
> > *
> > Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
will say
> > 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer it
is
>the
> > man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
> >
> > THEATER ETIQUETTE
> >
> > * Crying babies should be taken to the lobby & picked up as soon as
> > the movie has ended.
> > *
> > Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they
> > cannot hear you.
> >
> > WEDDINGS
> >
> > * Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> > * Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> > *
> > For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
> > * cummerbund & a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
> > * Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks & shoes for this special
> > occasion.
> > *
> >
> >
> > DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> >
> > Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the
> > * gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> > *
> >
> > * When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires
> > ALWAYS has the right of way.
> > * Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> > *
> > When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is not
polite to
> > ask her to bring back beer too.
> > Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
:lol: :lol: :lol: :bounce:
> >
> >
> >
> > * Never take a beer to a job interview.
> > * Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> > * It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> > * If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change sheets.
> > *
> > Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will ...don't
drive
>a
> > U-Haul to the funeral.
> >
> >
> >
> > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> >
> > * A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a
> > taxidermist.
> > *
> > Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his
> > manners are.
> >
> >
> >
> > PERSONAL HYGIENE
> >
> > While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
> > * should done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> > *
> > Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
> > * it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry & alter the taste of
> > finger foods.
> > *
> >
> >
> > DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
> >
> > * Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st
date.
> > *
> > Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
> > * wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom
> > wall 2 years ago.
> > *
> > Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
will say
> > 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer it
is
>the
> > man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
> >
> > THEATER ETIQUETTE
> >
> > * Crying babies should be taken to the lobby & picked up as soon as
> > the movie has ended.
> > *
> > Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they
> > cannot hear you.
> >
> > WEDDINGS
> >
> > * Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> > * Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> > *
> > For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
> > * cummerbund & a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
> > * Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks & shoes for this special
> > occasion.
> > *
> >
> >
> > DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> >
> > Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the
> > * gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> > *
> >
> > * When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires
> > ALWAYS has the right of way.
> > * Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> > *
> > When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is not
polite to
> > ask her to bring back beer too.
> > Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
:lol: :lol: :lol: :bounce: