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Thread: Beware: The Canadian Cougar

  1. #1
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    Beware: The Canadian Cougar

    I understand that there is also a variant, that can be found south of the border

    URBAN CANADA-- Canadians do not live in fear of many things. They hunt, they fight, and they sport. They are not afraid to brave the cold. But even the bravest man has been known to tremble at the sight of one native creature, a ferocious female mammal known to the world as the Canadian cougar. This predatory puma is a delicate yet dangerous foe who is more than a match for the average Canadian male.

    <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=2 width=240 align=right border=0><TBODY><TR><TD>



    </TD></TR><TR><TD>
    <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=4 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD>The sexy Canadian cougar is beautiful but deadly.</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>



    </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
    The Canadian cougar is an aggressive predator, and man is her prey. But be at ease, for the cougar is completely harmless--that is, until she reaches the mature age of thirty (in some areas thirty-five). It is at this point Nature takes over, triggering the female's survival instincts. That is when this pouty beast comes into her strength and begins to realize her power.

    The cougar's intentions are obvious. She is seeking a mate.

    Fierce and relentless, the Canadian cougar hunts and tracks until she sights an acceptable male target. At the local watering hole she may appear docile, but be not fooled by this deception, for she is ready to pounce at a moment's notice.

    She stalks in the dark, using the shadow of night to disguise her intentions. Driven by the smells in the pheromone-scented air, and agitated by the sight of an attractive male biceps, the beautiful cougar will cautiously select her prey. It may be a young man who has strayed from his herd, or it might be an attractive target already mated to another. It doesn't matter. Once selected, the cougar will use her charms and wiles to lure the male away to her den.

    Alcohol is man's real enemy, and the cougar is acutely aware of this weakness. Her senses are so fine-tuned, that she can detect the slightest hint of beer on a man's breath, and will use that to her advantage. Of course, the male's first instinct is to flee, for he knows he stands no chance of defending himself, or his honour, against the hungry cougar. She always gets what she wants, such is the power of her survival instinct.

    Although it is true that the Canadian cougar is fiercely protective of her young, fear not for getting in between the cougar and her cub, because it is likely she left it at home with her mother, while she is out on the prowl.
    --

    Beware, gentlemen... I speak from experience. The Canadian Cougar is a mighty foe
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  2. #2
    Silver_04 Guest
    Shouldn't she be drinking LeBatts?

  3. #3
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    Damn, you and me both brotha... I ended up leaving the country to escape the one chasin my ass down.



    Quote Originally Posted by QWK SVT
    I understand that there is also a variant, that can be found south of the border

    URBAN CANADA-- Canadians do not live in fear of many things. They hunt, they fight, and they sport. They are not afraid to brave the cold. But even the bravest man has been known to tremble at the sight of one native creature, a ferocious female mammal known to the world as the Canadian cougar. This predatory puma is a delicate yet dangerous foe who is more than a match for the average Canadian male.

    <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=2 width=240 align=right border=0><TBODY><TR><TD>






    </TD></TR><TR><TD>
    <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=4 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD>The sexy Canadian cougar is beautiful but deadly.</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>






    </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
    The Canadian cougar is an aggressive predator, and man is her prey. But be at ease, for the cougar is completely harmless--that is, until she reaches the mature age of thirty (in some areas thirty-five). It is at this point Nature takes over, triggering the female's survival instincts. That is when this pouty beast comes into her strength and begins to realize her power.

    The cougar's intentions are obvious. She is seeking a mate.

    Fierce and relentless, the Canadian cougar hunts and tracks until she sights an acceptable male target. At the local watering hole she may appear docile, but be not fooled by this deception, for she is ready to pounce at a moment's notice.

    She stalks in the dark, using the shadow of night to disguise her intentions. Driven by the smells in the pheromone-scented air, and agitated by the sight of an attractive male biceps, the beautiful cougar will cautiously select her prey. It may be a young man who has strayed from his herd, or it might be an attractive target already mated to another. It doesn't matter. Once selected, the cougar will use her charms and wiles to lure the male away to her den.

    Alcohol is man's real enemy, and the cougar is acutely aware of this weakness. Her senses are so fine-tuned, that she can detect the slightest hint of beer on a man's breath, and will use that to her advantage. Of course, the male's first instinct is to flee, for he knows he stands no chance of defending himself, or his honour, against the hungry cougar. She always gets what she wants, such is the power of her survival instinct.

    Although it is true that the Canadian cougar is fiercely protective of her young, fear not for getting in between the cougar and her cub, because it is likely she left it at home with her mother, while she is out on the prowl.
    --

    Beware, gentlemen... I speak from experience. The Canadian Cougar is a mighty foe

  4. #4
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    OMG!!! That looks alot like my ex wife....and she wasn't Canadian.
    Beware....last seen roaming the desert out side LasVegas seeking husband #7.
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  5. #5
    TripleTransAm Guest
    I'm afraid to ask...
    What might have prompted this dissertation on the mating habits of Canadian Cougar?

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by CRUZTAKER
    OMG!!! That looks alot like my ex wife....and she wasn't Canadian.
    Beware....last seen roaming the desert out side LasVegas seeking husband #7.
    Afraid to ask - were you aware you were number 6 before you became number 6?
    Steven

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevengerard
    Afraid to ask - were you aware you were number 6 before you became number 6?
    I was 4....
    2017 Niro

  8. #8
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    Interesting subject.

    Eric < --- always prefered them more "ripe"



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  9. #9
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    A chilling tale. I think I've seen that animal before...

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  10. #10
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    I believe that the Canadian Cougar is ALWAYS in 'Estrous' .
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  11. #11
    30.06 should take care of the cougar w/o any problems.

  12. #12
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    35?!? That's just about right for me.

    Why can't I get stalked by one of those? I must not be using the right bait. Have to practice my wounded deer call . . .
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  13. #13
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    Its not my ex she isnt that cute
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Caleb
    35?!? That's just about right for me.

    Why can't I get stalked by one of those? I must not be using the right bait. Have to practice my wounded deer call . . .
    The right bait is to be young (or look it), and wear a dress shirt/tie into the bar. Hang with your friends, and appear outgoing (joking, laughing). The Canadian Cougar will pick up on the scent, and will began to stalk her prey. From there, you have no choice... No ability to run... The Cougar WILL pounce.

    Your only hope is to give in, and make a hasty getaway the next morning, before the Cougar awakens from her slumber

    Quote Originally Posted by TripleTransAm
    I'm afraid to ask...
    What might have prompted this dissertation on the mating habits of Canadian Cougar?
    Let's just say... Uhm... A certain individual was recently involved in a "When Canadian Cougars Attack" situation... And no - video won't be showing up on Fox. The wake-up was not good
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