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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Off-Shore America

    Joke of the day

    How about a little humor, post a joke here. Me first;

    A man went to visit his grandparents and found his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    St. Louis, MO
    Two guys walk into a bar. The third ducked...

  3. #3
    BeaSStMaster Guest
    Sam and Bessie Goldberg are senior citizens, and, Sam always wanted an expensive pair of cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"

    "What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday, and the same pants. What's different?"

    Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again, he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different about me?"

    "What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow."

    Angrily, Sam yells, "DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN? Cause it's looking at my NEW BOOTS

    Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat."

  4. #4
    Billatpro Guest
    In an effort to control the exploding deer population the DNR is putting out "treated" feed for male deer, It affects the sex drive and stops mating, It reportedly taste alot like wedding cake!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Billatpro, my wife said you were not supposed to be privy to that information... lol
    2003 MM 300 A
    1984 F150 "STEPSIDE"
    "cause I COULD"

  6. #6
    Mark McQuaide Guest
    Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.

    One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

    "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

    "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

    So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

    "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.

    I'd say you must be French".

  7. #7
    KSMM03 Guest

    Okay, here's one for you

    Think you'll all like this one
    Attached Images Attached Images

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Waukesha, WI
    Daschle = Dufus
    2003 Marauder (300A, Flowmaster Super 40's, Spoiler)
    2007 Merc Grand Marquis (With Mustang 2007 "Bullitt" Rims)
    2008 Chevy Impala (Wifes car - icky FWD!)
    1994 K1500 Suburban
    1985 Monte Carlo with 19K miles

  9. #9
    Now THAT is funny, Chris...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Port Charlotte, FL

    How about...

    The two brothers age 5 and 7 up in there room one morning.
    The older says to the younger "Grownups cuss all the time, I think we should start cussin' too."
    Little guy says "OK"
    Big bro suggests" I'll say 'hell' you say "ass".
    "OK" syas the younger.
    Just then Mom calls them bothe downstairs for breakfast.
    Mom asks the older "What would you like to eat?"
    Big brother says" HELL, mom I'll take some Cheerios!"
    Mom snaps off a backhand that Venus Williams would be jealous of and connects right across juniors mouth, knocking him clean back, chair and all. He gets up, hand over mouth, screaming and high tails it up to his room.
    Mom, runs her hand over her head and turns to the little guy . She asks in as calm a voice as she can muster,"And what would you like this morning?"
    Little dude looks her right in the eye and says "Don't know, but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
    04 Crown Victoria Sport

    2008 Harley Davidson Nightrain- sold....

    2016 Harley Davidson Street Glide - Olive Gold

    1995 F150 4x2 4.9 5spd

    1995 Schwinn High Plains 21 speed, custom gearing.

  11. #11
    Billatpro Guest
    Horse walks into a bar, bartender says "Why the long face?"

  12. #12
    Billatpro Guest
    Little guy walks into his parents room, dads still in bed, little guys notices a peak in the middle of the covers, says "Dad whats that?" oh dad says, I'm playing circus! go tell mom the circus is in town! little guy scoots off, gone for 3 min comes back and proclaims 'Dad I told mom the circus was in town! Dad says "What she say?" mom says to take down the tent cause the monkey has a bloody nose!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    St. Louis, MO
    What you car says about you.

    Honda Accord: I am getting tired of those What Would Jesus Drive? jokes.

    Mercury Sable Station Wagon: I am afraid of my wife

    Mercury Marauder: I am afraid of my wifes Sable

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    San Diego California
    A Skeleton walks into a bar and sez..................

    Gimme a beer......................and a mop
    "From the forest itself comes the handle for the axe"

    He's here! Carson James Mo--our 1st
    Born 6/02/2005

    Member Windy City Marauders

    1988 Mustang LX notch
    5.0 5 speed
    Engine by Total Performance
    GONE rear ended by a douchbag on his phone

    1990 Mustang LX Notch bought from the original owner

    2006 Dodge Magnum R/T (hers)

    (='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny
    (")_(")* into your signature to help her gain world domination.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Doin time in the Universal mind
    An elderly woman walks into a Baskin Robbins ice cream store.
    The young man behind the counter asks her what she would like.
    The old woman asks for a gallon of vanilla ice cream, a gallon of strawberry ice cream, and a gallon of chocolate ice cream.
    The young man apologizes and says, I'm sorry, we are all out of chocolate ice cream. The old woman, somewhat confused, then says, ok, I'll take a 1/2 gallon of vanilla ice cream, a half gallon of strawberry ice cream, and a half gallon of chocolate ice cream. The young man, now somewhat confused, replies, I am sorry mam, but I tell you, we are all out of chocolate ice cream. At this point, the old woman is becoming agitated, as well as the young man behind the counter. The old woman then replies, ok, I'll take a pint of vanilla ice cream, a pint of strawberry ice cream, and a pint of chocolate ice cream. Now the young man is pissed, and the old woman is very agitated. So, the young man then asks the old women: LADY!, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?, the old woman says yes, V_A_N, the young man then says, can you spell the STRAW in strawberry?, the old woman says yes, S_T_R_A_W, then the young man says, then can you spell the ***** in chocolate?, after some thought, the old woman replies, there aint no ***** in chocolate......the young man says........THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU LADY!
    2017 Niro

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