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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #166
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Edmonton, Alberta
    Posts
    3,074

    For the Canucks!

    Jean Chretien awoke one morning to a glorious day. The sky was clear, and the sun was bright and radiant. Jean decided to walk to Parliament Hill.

    As he was walking, he looked up at the sun, and said,

    "Mister Sun, who is de greatest Prime Minister dis country has ever had?"

    The sun beamed down upon Jean, and in a booming voice responded, "Jean, there is no doubt that you are the greatest Prime Minister that Canada has ever had!"

    Jean's chest puffed out, and he arrived at work feeling wonderful and important. He had a marvelous day. So marvelous that he decided to walk home.

    The evening was as glorious as it had been the morning. As he walked, he looked up at the setting sun and asked,

    "So, Mr. Sun, am I not de greatest Prime Minister Canada has ever had?"

    The Sun looked down at him, and in a booming voice, responded, "Jean, you are an A*SHOLE. This country has never seen a worse Prime Minister in its entire history."

    Taken aback, Jean responded, "But dis morning, you said dat I was de greatest Prime Minister dis country has ever had. Why did you change your mind?

    "This morning, I was in the East. Tonight, I'm in the West."
    2003 Marauder 300eh - Stock

    Born: 12/03/2002
    Adopted 02/17/2003

    Trilogy #243

    AVIC D3
    SS Inserts.
    Metco Control arms and Watts link.
    QA1 8 way adjustable shocks and struts.
    Addco front and rear anti-roll bars.
    Wilwood front brakes.

    I can't drive 55. I'm looking forward to not being able to drive 75 ether.

  2. #167
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Waterloo, IA
    Age
    64
    Posts
    4,464
    Ok, I didn't get this one... Inside Canada humor?

  3. #168
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Edmonton, Alberta
    Posts
    3,074
    Originally posted by TooManyFords
    Ok, I didn't get this one... Inside Canada humor?
    Yes, very inside. Western Canadians pretty much hate Cretien.
    2003 Marauder 300eh - Stock

    Born: 12/03/2002
    Adopted 02/17/2003

    Trilogy #243

    AVIC D3
    SS Inserts.
    Metco Control arms and Watts link.
    QA1 8 way adjustable shocks and struts.
    Addco front and rear anti-roll bars.
    Wilwood front brakes.

    I can't drive 55. I'm looking forward to not being able to drive 75 ether.

  4. #169
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Northern California
    Age
    36
    Posts
    3,347
    It works on a global level too...eh?
    2007 Honda Accord V6. Fit for a father of two. 5% tint all around.

  5. #170
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Affordable Detroit
    Age
    67
    Posts
    3,580

    parents

    One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

    "What's wrong dearest?" asked the confused husband.

    "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?"

    "Well," replied the man... "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"
    Dan

    Rest area, rest home -- what difference does it make? I'm sure Grandma enjoyed seeing all those big trucks pulling in and out.

  6. #171
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Northern California
    Age
    36
    Posts
    3,347
    lol...ouch
    2007 Honda Accord V6. Fit for a father of two. 5% tint all around.

  7. #172
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Edmonton, Alberta
    Posts
    3,074
    If Microsoft Built Cars

    1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a
    new car.

    2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason;
    accept this, restart and drive on.

    3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and
    fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some
    strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

    4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
    bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as
    reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only
    run on five percent of the roads.

    6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to
    their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

    7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced
    with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

    8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars,
    forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many
    years.

    9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the
    packaging would be supurb.

    10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

    11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

    12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what
    happened.

    13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their
    engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point
    fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you
    could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

    14. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be
    slower on most existing roads.

    15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would
    only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes.
    Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

    16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any
    roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free,
    including IBM!

    17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11),
    then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive
    much faster, and on more roads!

    18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow
    your friend's, and then copy it.

    19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition
    for a few days before it worked.

    20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to
    each other.




    This could only be funnier, if it were true:

    Oh! Look!

    http://asia.cnet.com/newstech/system...9130270,00.htm
    2003 Marauder 300eh - Stock

    Born: 12/03/2002
    Adopted 02/17/2003

    Trilogy #243

    AVIC D3
    SS Inserts.
    Metco Control arms and Watts link.
    QA1 8 way adjustable shocks and struts.
    Addco front and rear anti-roll bars.
    Wilwood front brakes.

    I can't drive 55. I'm looking forward to not being able to drive 75 ether.

  8. #173
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Off-Shore America
    Posts
    10,219

    Proper Medication...

    A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks, "what for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says, "sorry, I can't do that."

    The woman reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.

    He pauses a moment, then says, "you didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

  9. #174
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    The Heartland of Indiana
    Age
    69
    Posts
    6,470

    Talking

    One day, a woodcutter was cutting the branch of a tree above a river -- when his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
    The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
    The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
    The woodcutter replied, "No, it is not."
    The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
    Again, the woodcutter replied, "Sorry, that that is not mine."
    The Lord went down again and came up with a slightly worn and rusty iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
    The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
    The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
    Some time later, the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the same riverbank, and his wife "fell" into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
    "Oh Lord, my dear beloved wife has fallen into the water!"
    The Lord went down into the water and came back up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
    "Yes!" cried the woodcutter.
    The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
    The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. You do not understand. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, then I knew you would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would ! have come up with my wife."
    As woodcutter continued, "Had I then said 'yes,' then you would have given me all three. Lord, I am but a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT is why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
    The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
    That's our story ... and we're sticking to it!

  10. #175
    amerikan Guest
    Two couples who have been friends for years decide to spend the weekend at a fancy hotel. When they get there one of the husbands suggests they get a little wild and swtich partners. After two hours of solid sex by the fireside, the man turns to his new partner and says,"wow this is the best sex i've had in years." "yeah" the other lover agrees. " I wonder how the girls are doing."

  11. #176
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Waterloo, IA
    Age
    64
    Posts
    4,464

    Americakan...

    Ok, you're fired. You don't get to play anymore....



    John

  12. #177
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Four Corners,Oregon (take exit at the prison, go past the refuse transfer station, and head toward Shangri-la)
    Age
    21
    Posts
    8,304
    A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple". A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,"explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled.

    My wife quietly said, 'That's once.' "We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said,'That's twice.' "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time.

    My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

    "I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse, when she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'.

    "And we lived happily ever after".
    Member Number 32

    Originally posted by TripleTransAm
    An interesting side note: this isn't the same forum I used to post on for years, and I've been doing a lot of reading over the past 48 hours on both sites. Looks like there's been a serious splintering. I never thought it'd be possible for this to happen to a group of owners of a car model that sold no more than 14000 copies over 2 model years. Kind of scary, when thinking of the scale. Makes one think that maybe it'd be a good idea to do some introspection and think about what each of us needs to do to build a solid community, analyze what it is we're all honestly looking for by belonging to this community.

  13. #178
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Four Corners,Oregon (take exit at the prison, go past the refuse transfer station, and head toward Shangri-la)
    Age
    21
    Posts
    8,304
    Originally posted by Dr Caleb
    Yes, very inside. Western Canadians pretty much hate Cretien.
    I got it. A very good one
    Last edited by RCSignals; 12-04-2003 at 09:56 PM.

  14. #179
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Lawrence Twp., NJ
    Age
    73
    Posts
    14,950

    Lightbulb Question?

    Q.Why was Stonehenge abandoned?







    A.It wasn't IBM compatible.
    Member # 383.

    2003 Marauder Black.

    Build 8/13/02

    Launched 9/28/02

    Sold May 16, 2018

    #3,646 of 7,839 black '03

    1995 Ford F-150. Mark III 2wd, reg. cab

    2011 F-150 Lariat crew cab 4X4 3.5 L twin turbo Ecoboost

    Fate rarely call upon us at a monent of our choosing.

    http://www.usdebtclock.org/index.html

  15. #180
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Lawrence Twp., NJ
    Age
    73
    Posts
    14,950

    Talking Sign me up!

    There is a new organization called Workaholics Anonumous.
    Whenever you get the urge to put in an eight-hour day, you call them up, and they send over two goverment workers to talk to you
    Member # 383.

    2003 Marauder Black.

    Build 8/13/02

    Launched 9/28/02

    Sold May 16, 2018

    #3,646 of 7,839 black '03

    1995 Ford F-150. Mark III 2wd, reg. cab

    2011 F-150 Lariat crew cab 4X4 3.5 L twin turbo Ecoboost

    Fate rarely call upon us at a monent of our choosing.

    http://www.usdebtclock.org/index.html

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