Joke of the day

[SC Cheesehead]

It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!

WARNING TO US ALL!!! IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO THAT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT.

Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower. When I wash my hair, that shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this statement: "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."

No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well, I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved! If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!

[cat in the hat]

It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!

WARNING TO US ALL!!! IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO THAT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT.

Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower. When I wash my hair, that shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this statement: "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."

No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well, I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved! If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!

LOL


I came home the other day, and the wife was rubbing tin foil on her boobs.

I asked her why, and she said that she saw it on a talk show - they said that it really makes them grow.

I told her to try toilet paper, it sure as hell worked on her ass

[Mr. Man]

Little Gordon was asked by his teacher to spell "straight," little Gordon did so without error.

"Bravo," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?"

"Without water in it."

[Ladyhawke]

Little Gordon was asked by his teacher to spell "straight," little Gordon did so without error.

"Bravo," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?"

"Without water in it."

[SC Cheesehead]

Little Gordon was asked by his teacher to spell "straight," little Gordon did so without error.

"Bravo," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?"

"Without water in it."

JOCULARITY!

[cat in the hat]

JOCULARITY!

I always wondered what happened to you . . .

[cat in the hat]

A girl was sitting on the Brooklyn Bridge contemplating jumping.

A sailor saw her, and talked her out of it.
He told her his ship was leaving for Italy, and he could hide her below decks. She could get a fresh start.

It sounded like a good idea, so she went along with him.
He hid her in a small compartment below decks. Every night he'd bring her some food, and then they'd make passionate love until dawn.

After about a week, the Captain found the girl during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here ?" he asked.

She said "One of the sailors is helping me stow away to Italy. Oh, and he's screwing me."

The Captain said "You're not kidding. This is the Staten Island Ferry."

[loud2004marquis]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qzRSU2NWmE

[gdsqdcr]

[IwantmyMMnow!]

A just-married Amish couple are in the bedroom, getting ready to have sex for the first time. The husband can see his new bride is very uncomfortable, and asks her if she would talk to him about it. She confides in him that she's worried he won't desire her because of her small breasts. He tells her not to worry, that he loves her just the way she is, and then confesses that he, too, is anxious because he's hung like a baby. She consoles him and tells him not to worry and convinces him to undo his trousers and reveal himself. When he does, she immediately faints. Several hours later she comes around and with wide eyes says, "I thought you said you were hung like a baby?!?". "Yep", he replies...










"7lbs, 10oz, 21 inches"

[mossiehorn]

WONDERFUL English from Around the World

In a Bangkok Temple :
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa , leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY, BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES ..

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A Laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE

[cat in the hat]

Those are HILARIOUS !

[SC Cheesehead]

The local Lut'ren minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of lutfisk. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead .
The second worm in cigarette smoke . . .Dead .
Third worm in lutfisk . . . . Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Ole and Sven was sitting in the back of the church, and Ole quickly raised his hand and said, "If you drink, smoke and eat lutfisk, you won't have worms!"

The service ended shortly after that...

[WhatsUpDOHC]

I learned something new today: lutfisk.

That's the real joke. BLECH!! Who saw some Cod and said "Let's soak that in lye and eat it."?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lutefisk

[SC Cheesehead]

I learned something new today: lutfisk.

That's the real joke. BLECH!! Who saw some Cod and said "Let's soak that in lye and eat it."?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lutefisk

Dat dere's some good stuff, hey!

NOT!

"Every Advent we entered the purgatory of lutefisk, a repulsive gelatinous fishlike dish that tasted of soap and gave off an odor that would gag a goat. We did this in honor of Norwegian ancestors, much as if survivors of a famine might celebrate their deliverance by feasting on elm bark. I always felt the cold creeps as Advent approached, knowing that this dread delicacy would be put before me and I'd be told, "Just have a little." Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot." -Garrison Keillor