Joke of the day

[lji372]

A tough looking group of Harley Davidson bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man from Chicago, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering sensual kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous!! Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

^^^^^omfg. Good stuff!!!

[BeeDamn]

looooooooool that's hilarious

[Mr. Man]

A tough looking group of Harley Davidson bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man from Chicago, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering sensual kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous!! Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

This one sounds a little to much like a "true life story"

[1Marauder]

^^^^^omfg. Good stuff!!!

First joke I am ripping off the forum and telling tommorow at work,,,

[License2Bill]

Locked my keys inside the car across the street from a Planned Parenthood. I was pretty hesitant about going inside and asking for a coat hanger to fix a little mistake.

[RubberCtyRauder]

Locked my keys inside the car across the street from a Planned Parenthood. I was pretty hesitant about going inside and asking for a coat hanger to fix a little mistake.

[slickster]

What happens when you ride hi

[Spectragod]

HOW TO START A
FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my
mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift

The next year, I didn't buy
her a gift.
When she asked me why, I
replied,
"Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight
started.....
______________________________


My wife and I were watching Who
Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do
you want to have sex?'
'No,' she
answered.
I then said,'Is that your
final answer?'
She didn't even look at me
this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd
like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight
started...
______________________________ __


I took my wife to a
restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took
my order first.
"I'll have the rump
steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you
worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for
herself."
And that's when the fight
started.....
______________________________ _


My wife at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunk swigging his drink
as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know
him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
he's my old boyfriend. He began drinking right after we
split up years ago, and hasn't been sober
since."
"My God!" I said,
"Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight
started...
______________________________ __

[Spectragod]

When our lawn mower broke my wife
kept nagging me to get it fixed. But, I always had something
else to take care of. Finally she thought of a clever way to
make her point.
I found her seated in the tall,
unmowed grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went
into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came
out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you
finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway."
The doctors say I will walk
again, but I will always have a limp.
______________________________


My wife sat down next to me as I
was flipping channels .
She asked, "What's on
TV?"
I said, "Lots of
dust."
And then the fight
started...
______________________________ __


My wife was hinting about what
she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something
shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2
seconds."
I bought her a bathroom
scale.
And then the fight
started......
______________________________

[Spectragod]

After retiring, I went to the
Social Security office to apply for benefits.
The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's License to verify my
age.
I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left it at home. I told the woman I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton
your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver chest hair. She said, 'That silver hair
on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed
my Social Security application.
When I got home, I told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office. She said,
'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
gotten disability too.'
And then the fight
started...
______________________________ __


My wife was standing naked,
looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she
saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
I replied, "Your
eyesight's damn near perfect."
That's when the fight began .
. .
______________________________ __


I rear-ended a car this morning .
. . the start of a really bad day!
The driver got out of the other
car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said
'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one
ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started!

[slickster]

Sir why are you going so fast.? http://m.break.com/video/guy-with-st...ticket-2799742

[CWright]

Sir why are you going so fast.? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ovTUQs7p3YE

Man, I'm in tears!

[fastblackmerc]

How many animals can fit onto a pair of panty hose?

Two calves

An ass

A bunch of hairs

One beaver

And a fish no one can find!

[Pat]

Told to me yesterday.

A certain man presented himself to Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates to gain entrance into heaven. While waiting for St. Pete to tabulate his "good's" verses "Bad's" he noticed that the wall behind the podium was full of clocks.

The man inquired about the purpose of the clocks and was told each person has a clock and the hands move only when they tell a lie.

The man pointed to one and asked "who does that clock belong to"? Mother Theresa came the reply and it hasn't ever moved. How about that one the man asked? Well that belongs to Abraham Lincoln and it has moved only twice.

"Well, asked the man, do you have one for Obama"? St. Peter said yes but it was in God's office where he uses it as a ceiling fan.

[Mr. Man]