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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #2581
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Moreau Island
    Posts
    12,207
    Sorry for the french

  2. #2582
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Paderborn, Germany
    Posts
    640
    It's an old one so you've probably already heard it but...


    How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

    One.

    Because we are efficient.

    And don't have a sense of humour.

    2003 Black 300A Dark Charcoal, #499 of 6978 built 06/04/02
    3.88 gears, dual fuel propane conversion.
    2003 Silver 300B Light Flint, #166 of 417 built 04/22/03
    TCE/Wilwood big brake kit, SW headers and cats, Flowmaster mufflers
    1999 Lincoln Town Car Signature Series Touring Sedan
    Dual exhaust, dual fuel propane conversion
    2009 Pontiac G8 GT Sport Package
    Holden HSV GTS body kit, dual fuel propane conversion
    Previously: 2003 Audi A6 Avant | 1999 Ford Fairlane AU

  3. #2583
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Moreau Island
    Posts
    12,207
    Subject: Looking for help.....





    .

    The ad reads:



    This is Lexi, she is an 8 week-old German Sheppard, I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife but it turns out she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her a new home.

    She is 39 years old, a beautiful and caring woman who drives, is a great cook and keeps a good house.

  4. #2584
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Southeastern PA
    Age
    63
    Posts
    1,103
    "Moonbeam McSwine"


    2003 DBP, fresh off an Iowa corn farm.
    "Pretty much stock, except for the blower."


    "Devil Girl"

    2004 DTR w/ Light Flint
    Every factory option - Moonroof, all that stuff.

  5. #2585
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Moreau Island
    Posts
    12,207
    Quote Originally Posted by cat in the hat View Post
    Your going straight to H3ll for that one Frank

  6. #2586
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Remington, IN
    Age
    60
    Posts
    730
    2003 Marauder... the gentleman's hot rod.

    You know what I like best about most people? Their dogs.


  7. #2587
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Remington, IN
    Age
    60
    Posts
    730
    2003 Marauder... the gentleman's hot rod.

    You know what I like best about most people? Their dogs.


  8. #2588
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Remington, IN
    Age
    60
    Posts
    730
    2003 Marauder... the gentleman's hot rod.

    You know what I like best about most people? Their dogs.


  9. #2589
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Remington, IN
    Age
    60
    Posts
    730
    2003 Marauder... the gentleman's hot rod.

    You know what I like best about most people? Their dogs.


  10. #2590
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    West 'burbs Chicago
    Age
    36
    Posts
    3,823
    Yeah talk about joke of the day....lol.
    Last edited by MERCMAN; 11-07-2016 at 06:57 AM.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    '04 Marauder #357 of 3213 - Built and Eaton swapped - "MERCD"
    '21 F150 XLT 5.0 Sport
    '18 Chevy Malibu Redline
    '15 Mustang GT, performance package
    '01 BMW 740i M-Sport, manual swapped
    '97 Lincoln Town Car (black on black)
    '10 Harley Ultra Limited
    '08 Kawasaki ZX6R
    '03 Grand Marquis(sold)

  11. #2591
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Bossier City, La
    Age
    85
    Posts
    4,439

    Smile The Golden Years

    Leaving the store, I couldn't find my keys. They weren't in my purse. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car might be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police and gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen.

    Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband, "I left the keys in the car and it's been stolen." There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice, "are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off." Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "well, come and get me."

    He retorted, "I will. just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your damn car".

    Welcome to the golden years.

  12. #2592
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    over here, with the 40's of beer.
    Age
    21
    Posts
    9,026
    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

    He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat… As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”




    She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston”

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

    “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

    “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”




    “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men,

    when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

    Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

    I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name..”

    “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”
    I LOVE Jerry's bar, it's my kinda place...........






    When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead. It is difficult only for others. It is the same way when you are stupid.

    "Chuck Norris built my stock longblock. It runs on the tears of small children and makes 10,000 hp. He said it's his 'street version' "


    Trilogy # 192 / T.S. 0012

    BOOST GETS YOU FELONY STOPPED!!!





  13. #2593
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Schenectady, NY
    Posts
    1,246
    Haha that's a good story right there^
    300A Black
    4:10 gears, Flowmaster 44's with rear cat delete, SW headers with 3 inch cats to 2.5 custom h. 3500 stall, Twisted synergy dyno tune, addco f/r , rear control arms, Novi 1200 air to air with the fixings.

  14. #2594
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    4 miles from insanity and 2ft from broke!
    Posts
    9,559
    Quote Originally Posted by camelgrundle View Post
    Haha that's a good story right there^
    That made me laugh hard as hell!
    04 MERCURY MARAUDER build date:02/11/04
    ITS ALIVE !!!!!!!!

    STAY TUNED!!!!!!!!!!

    **WHIPPLE 4.0L CRUSHER!**0000 (FOR NOW) RWHP

    VISIT MY GARAGE FOR A FULL LIST OF MODS

  15. #2595
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Sacramento
    Posts
    3,737
    ,me too.... Tonto Goldstien... Hahaha my friends call me Bubba... Hahaha


    2003 300A Black, #4918 of 7838, 17,400 Miles
    Tune, KYB's, JLT, FlowMaster 42441, Res Delete, New BFG's, 8 coats of zymoil Titanium

    2003 300B Silver Birch, #21 of 419, 29,800 miles
    Tune, JLT, FlowMaster 42441 Res Delete, New Nitto 235/255 Bigcarsforever dead peddle & custom SRP peddles, 5 coats Zymoil Titanium, Addco front and rear sway bars, KYBs, 1/2 inch coil cut, Sparta Watts link and Control Arms, Carfixer alignment.

    2003 CV Sport Matador Red, 19,280 Miles, DD, Curless Full Service Royal flush, Marto Tune, 18 Chrome Wheels w 235/265 front/back Nitto tires, NEW OEM Sport Springs -1 coil & Monroe Severe Duty (front) shocks, Addco front and rear sway bars, KYB rear Shocks, Carfixer Alignment.

    2004 CV HPP Silver Birch, 93,000 miles. Son's DD, 18 Chrome Wheels w 235/265 front/back Nitto tires (thank you Lowndex!)

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