Elderly PA Man Frightened by Crab Monster

[Mike Poore]

It was 5:30AM with the bright full moon illuminating everything from it's position about 15 degrees in the western sky, eerily casting shadows upon all it touched.

So there I was, just stepping out onto the deck in my bathrobe, with a towel and cup of coffee, preparing to get into the hot tub and Fairfield Ta-Ta testing tank, when I saw the vile thing, crouching by the steps, like a Cleveland skunk, ready to pounce.

Since I had closed the sliding door against the 28 degree temperature, it seemed unwise to turn my back on the creature, and make a try for the door. Thinking I could protect myself with the towel and stainless steel thermal cup, I stared intently at the menace.

Then I noticed several things; it had many tails, all twitching nervously, while a "tink", "tink", "tinking" sound off to my right caught my attention. Looking up, I saw the source of the sound, our Penn State tube flag silhouetted against the moon, gently swaying in the breeze, and it's brass connecting clip tapping the flag pole.

Then I looked back at the Crab Monster, then back at the flag, silhouetted against the moon, then back at the Crab Monster........

Never mind

[Haggis]

Errrr....Mike? What were you drinking from that thermos? It sure wasn't coffee.

[TripleTransAm]

...while a "tink", "tink", "tinking" sound off to my right caught my attention.

Was it coming from its driver's side wheel well at the time? Was it also blowing blue smoke?

[MM03MOK]

..........

[Go Mifuni]

..........

I don't know about you, but I have no desire to see him in his robe.

[LordVader]

It's okay...if this is what happens when you can't sleep, I'll bet you think twice about going outside where "the FULL MOON shadow Crab Monster" lurks!!!!

[Mad4Macs]

That is, without a doubt, one of the most confusing things I've ever read here!

[Mike Poore]

That is, without a doubt, one of the most confusing things I've ever read here!

And, this makes sense?
"Badmouthing Microsoft is like enumerating the faults of a giant puppy-stomping, baby-eating robot that's fueled by the burning of human souls and is controlled by Hitler's brain in a glass bubble."

It was an attempt at humor. Here's the short version:

I went out to the hot tub to start my morning PT session, and was startled by the shadow of a flag on the deck.

[Hotrauder]

Mike thanks. Apparitions are everywhere. A good imagination helps and story telling ability is a great embellishment. Good job. Dennis

[dwasson]

It was an attempt at humor. Here's the short version:

No offense MIke, but the first version was a lot better.

[TripleTransAm]

I went out to the hot tub to start my morning PT session, and was startled by the shadow of a flag on the deck.

Wait a second. I'm having a hard time understanding this. There was a SHADOW of a flag on your deck? I'm having a hard time visualizing this. It's not clear at all. In what way did it startle you? You seem to imply this shadow was startling in some way, but I cannot see what a shadow could do to startle you. Shadows don't make noise, and I don't see the correlation between the shadow of a flag and a hot tub, it's JUST NOT CLEAR!

I was 99.9% sure I understood what you were talking about in your first post, but that last one line summary just threw it all to heck...

[Haggis]

I went out to the hot tub to start my morning PT session, and was startled by the shadow of a flag on the deck.

You meam there is no such things as Crab Monsters. Ok fellows you heard the man time to disappear.

Next you will be telling me there is no such person as Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny or the Great Pumpkin or Rocky and Bullwinkle or all the rest that come to visit me and keep me company when it's dark.

[StevenJ]

Here in South Florida, we have these things called Skunk Apes. They are whiley huge creatures that look like apes but smell as bad as skunks. They are vicious and very fast and love to hide out in the everglades and swamps. You have to be real careful about not lighting up any camp fires and avoid using loud noises. Thoose things are extremely attracted to the both of them. If you stare at em too long, they will jump on you and claw your eyes out! Man, I've seen them before too man when I was out in the everglades a few times with my friends. You have to be very very careful! They love to hide at night by Indian reservations out by 27 where the airboats tours are. They ususally hide in the wooded areas though and aren't often seen in the open. But becareful and avoid loud noises when ya'll out there!